The F-Word

There is one word that is not even in my vocabulary: the F-word. No I’m not talking about the one that came to mind. I’m talking about FAT. I would much rather someone tell me to f*** off than to call me fat. It’s a word that digs to the core of any girl and some guys to pull out the most insecure feelings. The word alone when directed at you can lower your self-esteem so much. It's offensive and really uncalled for. 

As a child I never really felt heavier than the other kids. I was fun, energetic, involved in sports, happy to be me. It wasn't until 5^th grade that I noticed I was not only taller but bigger than my classmates. Still, I didn't put too much thought into it. My parents began to emphasize the fact that I needed to stay active but being stubborn, I generally disregarded their advice.

In 6^th grade, my friends decorated my locker for my birthday. It was tradition at my school for the other kids to sign their name on a big poster for you to take home. When I went to look, the smallest signature stood out more than all the others. To this day I can still see the writing, in the bottom left corner it said, “Happy Birthday Piggy.” I remember tears filling my eyes, but shaking it off I smiled and went about my day. When I got home I sunk deep under the covers of my bed and just cried. From this day on, as a 12 year old, I knew I was different, I knew I was fat.

Thankfully now I am blessed with friends that have never made me feel uncomfortable with my body or appearance. They make me feel beautiful and I know they accept me no matter my size. But I’m not sure I can accept my size. For years I convinced myself that I was happy with myself, that my weight didn’t cause me to miss out on anything. I have come to realize that I never felt the rejection because I safe guarded myself by only doing things that I knew I was capable of doing. But I’m done safe guarding myself. I’m ready to not only be happy with my appearance, but to feel healthy, to live healthy.

I have wanted to shed these pounds for the longest time. Last year I went to a camp in New York called Wellspring. I was successful and lost 40 pounds, but then I went to college and gained it all back. Disappointment doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about all my hard work going down the drain. Still, I wouldn’t change the experience I had there. It gave me an opportunity to excel at healthy activities and for the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself. I am so excited to say I have been asked back to a camp in Washington DC to be a mentor this summer. I will also be a camper again so I will have an opportunity to lose the weight and this time I WILL keep it off. More about Wellspring later…

Anyways, I decided to start a blog that documents my success, struggles, and thoughts this summer, at camp, and through my weight loss journey. It’s called "The EC Weigh" I’ll include the web address below and there is also a link above my about me section. In regards to my last post, thank you so much for all the encouraging feedback. I’m glad yall enjoyed it.

P.S. If you’re skinny and didn’t get anything from reading this, take my advice and don’t use the F-word. It hurts more than you think.

http://ecweigh.blogspot.com/